Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
