And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
