I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
