I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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