The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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