dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
