You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
