The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
