rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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