Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
