My hand turned me down
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
