Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
