Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
