i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
