there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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