It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
