we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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