is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
