Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
