Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
