i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
