You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I FOUND THE LEGS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
