haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
