Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
