then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
