my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
