dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
