I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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