Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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