its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
