I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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