I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
