Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
