sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
