Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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