hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
ttyl tear gas
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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