I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
