I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I stole a fireplace last night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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