he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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