You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
