whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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