You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I deserve this hangover.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
