I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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