not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
