I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
