I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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