whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
