burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
