I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
