I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
