last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
