It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
